A mummy! A daddy! The belief that all children are entitled to a family! The belief that all who want to be parents will excel at the life-long process involved! These beliefs, cherished by all cultures, are the foundation for adoption. Yet, in reality, society doesn?t always wholeheartedly support an adopted child or those who create a home for it.

Adoption occurs when biological parents, who are usually also the legal parents, transfer over complete and permanent rights and obligations to raising a child. These legal parents usually freely choose adoption and willingly sign the necessary consent forms.

However, when a child has been subjected to abuse or neglect, or even abandoned, the courts may order that the child be ?put out for adoption.?In the court-ordered cases, the child usually remains in a foster home until he is about six or seven years old before being placed for adoption.

The differences between adoption and foster homes are reflected in the permanence of adoption. Foster homes are always considered temporary, and foster parents have no legal rights as to the long-term care of the child, even if the courts order the child returned to an abusive environment.

A child may have many sets of foster parents over the years; adoptive parents are technically there for the lifetime of the child.

Many myths abound about the mental, emotional and physical well-being of an adopted child, and that?s exactly what 99% are: only myths. The ?poor little adopted child? in reality is usually a well-fed, loved, delightful child who has been given opportunities that exceed what many ?non-adopted? children receive. The adopted child has been spared from living under circumstances where he is not wanted, or where, although wanted, the parents couldn?t take care of him.

The challenges come more from the reactions of society than from the home circumstances. In our society today outsiders still sometimes rudely ask a child born in a different country,?What are you?? (referring to their race). When a white-skinned person adopts an African American child many in society still look on with a frown at the grocery store.

Another myth is that the adopted child will always feel ?rejected,? yet that word ?always? should be watched. Most psychologists and social workers have come to understand that a person raised in its biological home is just as apt to feel rejected as an adopted child. It all depends on the circumstances and how much bonding and love and attention is experienced.

Growing up to be a responsible adult is a challenge for people raised under any circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to be responsible and make excuses about how they were raised. For those people, if they were adopted, that is a convenient excuse, although usually it is not an accurate representation.

Curiosity is part of human nature. For those who are adopted, it is natural to wonder who their biological parents were and what became of them. The love they feel for those who have raised them does not diminish by this curiosity. And, it is natural for the biological parents to wonder what became of their baby or child.

Yet, for all concerned, the past is like a cancelled check you can?t keep spending it. Whether adopted or not, here and now is where we are living! How fortunate we are that adoption exists so dreams of being part of a family can be a delightful reality for all.

About the Author:

Adoz Lizzat is the webmaster of Peak Adopts which tackles all adoption issues.For more information, go to: http://www.adoptionr.com

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information, Orphans and Orphanages, special needs adoption

Today most Scientists & Adoption Agents are of the opinion that parents should inform their adopted children as soon as possible about their status. The issue should thereafter be discussed more often at various points in time to give the child/children a chance to grasp their special status and the opportunity to ask questions. Only an early introduction to the subject will give parents and children a chance to develop an open and trusting relationship between each other.

There are two sides to the process of informing a child about it's adoptive status: First of all the information has to be passed on to the child and secondly the child has to understand the information it has been given.

It is more than likely that a 4 year old child can be made to refer to itself as "adopted" and further tell that it has grown in another woman's womb before being adopted by it's present parents. This however does not go to say that the child has understood what an adoption really means. More so it has to be assumed that due to the child's use of very specific vocabulary related to the issue of adoption the parents are lured into the false belief that their child fully understands the concept of adoption. By doing so, the cognitive capability of a small child is highly overestimated. It takes approximately 10 years for an adopted child to fully grasp the information about its adoption which they have been given at the age of 3 or 4. This knowledge was the result of the scientific research by BRODZINSKY and his colleagues during the "Rutgers Adoption Project" (1986). The scientists examined 100 adopted children in comparison to 100 non-adopted children. There were 20 children in each age group: 4-5 years old, 6-7 years old, 8-9 years old, 10-11 years old and 12-13 years old. All adoptive children were adopted within the first 2 ? years of their life. Their understanding of the adoption was evaluated on the basis of a 6 grade chart.

Although the 4-5 year old children had all been informed about their adoption most of them did not have any understanding of the meaning of an adoption (grade 0). At an average age of 5 years and 6 months most examined children either assumed that all children in general were born to their biological parents or that adoption and giving birth are the same (grade 1). At the age of 7 years and 2 months children could distinguish between adoption and birth. They viewed it as 2 different means of becoming a part of a family. The relationship between the adoptive parents and the child was described by the children to be a permanent one. However they could not articulate a reason for the permanence of this relationship other than voicing the assumption that "The child is now owned by its adoptive parents" (grade 2).

At an average age of 8 years and 8 months the children were not so confident about the stability of the Parent-Child Relationship anymore. They believed that their biological parents would either claim them back one day or that their adoptive parents could also decide to give them away at some point in time (grade 3). At 10 years and 4 months of age the children were confident in the lastingness of the relationship between adoptive parents and child again. With regards to this newly found confidence they even referred to professionals in a position of authority such as Judges, Lawyers & Medical Doctors (grade 4). It was not until the average age of 12 years and 5 months that the adopted children understood that an adoption on a legal basis of specific laws incorporated the transfer of parental rights and duties from the biological parents to the adoptive parents (Grade 5).

The adopted children were aware of an Adoption Agency being involved in their adoption at an average age of 8 years and 1 month but did not know the actual task of the Agency. Approximately 10 months later they understood that this organisation plays a vital role in the process. In most cases the first assumption was that the Agency's purpose was to cater to the wishes of the future adoptive parents. Once at an average age of 11 years and 11 months the adoptive children understood that the Agency first and foremost acts on behalf and in the interest of the well being of the children put up for adoption, therefore screening the potential adoptive parents.

Brodzinsky and his colleagues research clearly shows that the understanding of an adoptive child with reference to its adoption develops in predictable phases. In the beginning the knowledge is still very general and slightly diffuse but becomes more sophisticated with time. This knowledge is also associated with a growing awareness of the connection with social organisations and the relating laws.

The research indicates how difficult it must be for a child under the age of 13 or 14 to process the fact of having a dual set of parents. Younger children don't grasp this concept at all, slightly older children find it hard to fit the characteristics of adoptive parents into their idea of a family concept. Eight and nine year olds know that parents and children are blood related. Adoptive children of this particular age group therefore question which family they are really part of - their biological parents or their adoptive parents. Bearing in mind that children of this age group (8-9 year olds) have not yet understood the concept of adoption including all its implications it is not surprising that they feel insecure of their position within the adoptive family and voice a lot of questions regarding their heritage. During a further examination of 156 adopted children aged 6-11 years old Brodzinsky and his colleagues (1986) found out that a child's comprehension of its adoption is neither influenced by structure of the adoptive family (only child, biological siblings, adopted siblings), their social status, the previous history of the child nor its age or condition of health at the time of adoption. This means that the comprehension develops through an intra psychological process by combining the newly received information with other relevant knowledge of family structure, social institutions, human motives, separation, loss, - etc. This Process is therefore imbedded in the overall cognitive development of the child.

The results of this research clearly show that parents and adoption agents generally expect the adoptive children to understand the process of an adoption too early. In return they are surprised when primary school children ask a lot of questions regarding their biological parents and their heritage, the reasons for being put up for adoption as well as being insecure in terms of their adoptive parents love and sometimes show signs of sadness and depression. Parents and experts do not understand these behavioural patterns and often wrongly judge it as negative although it is quite normal, age appropriate and probably inevitable. It is a sign that the children are trying to achieve a better understanding of the adoption. In order to do so they have to process the loss of their biological parents and the resulting emotions (sadness) at this age. This is being complicated by the lack of knowledge about their biological parents.

Consequently it is vital that adoptive parents make themselves aware of the fact that adopted children will comprehend the adoption with all its implications not until they have entered their second decade of life. They (adoptive parents ) can help the child to achieve a positive and extensive comprehension of the adoption by openly and honestly discussing the issue instead of avoiding it. It is equally important that they are also aware of the difference between adoptive families and biological families further understanding the special status of their own family. Primarily they should not overstrain the child and confront it with unrealistic expectations but should give the child the time it needs for the long lasting cognitive development process which will conclude in a full comprehension of the adoption.

About the Author

Jeff Conrad himself was a adopted child.
He wants to give you the best and most comprehensive information about adopting children from all over the world.
www.international-adoption-site.info

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information

The adoption triad consists of the children who are adopted, birth mothers and fathers and adoptive parents. Even if these three groups never meet together, their lives are bound to one another through adoption. The children are connected to both sets of parents, and the birth parents and adoptive parents are connected to each other through the children. There are joys and sorrows for everyone joined to adoption. Birth parents may miss the child they created, but may also be comforted that the child is being well cared for and loved in her new home. Adoptive parents may be concerned that the child will feel the loss of her biological parents but may be happy to love, care and raise the child. The child may wonder about her biological parents but may cherish and love her adoptive parents. These thoughts and feelings are complicated, complex and lifelong, and are dealt with more easily by some people while others may struggle with them. Each adoption is unique and so is the adjustment to it. But, with love and support, most adoptions are successful at creating loving and stable environments in which children blossom.

Not all adoptions are successful and some people are opposed to adoption, but those who support adoption recognize it as a way to provide children with a safe, stable, and loving home environment. If you are considering adoption, you probably already know some of the challenges. Our society sends mixed messages about adoption. On one hand, you have probably seen or heard public service announcements that talk about how precious adoption can be; what a difference you can make in a child's life. On the other hand, you will see movies or news stories where an adopted child has been in trouble or an adoption was done illegally. Of course, this happens. But, biological children also do horrible things and biological parents sometimes do horrible things to their children. Your decision to adopt should be about your family. Do you want to parent a child and are you willing and able to face the challenges that being an adoptive parent may bring?

These are a couple of very difficult questions that must be answered prior to beginning the adoption process. With the possibility of becoming adoptive parents, there is a responsibility of the highest commitment owed the potential adpoted children. It is critical that you do extensive research on the adoption process, so you can determine if it is truly an experience you can manage. The children must not be given false hope. At this point in their lives, they need and deserve nothing less than complete and reassuring love.

One of the main questions that adoptive parents must ask themselves is can they love a child not born to them? If you read stories and books by adoptive parents, you will find that the majority come to see themselves connected to their adopted children in ways not understood by people who think that a genetic link to their children is the essential tie. Years ago, Cybthia McFadden interviewed Barbara Walters and her adopted daughter about this very issue. Barbara Walters and her daughter were so loving and demonstrated so strongly the power of love as the key to successful parenting. The Lifetime Network had a show called Adoption Stories that profiled families' journeys through adoption. Watching these parents struggle through the adoption process and then watching these parents with their children, you could not help but be inspired. And, these families clearly loved and were loved by their adopted children.These families showed that parenting is a choice and they could easily love a child not born to them. While it might not be for everybody, for most people it is just another way to make a family.

Asking yourself these tough questions is important. For some people, the answers come easily. If you are one of those who know, you can meet a child's need for a family openly and you can help that child as he grows ( and support him if he has questions or struggles about his adoption), your next step is to find an adoption agency that can work with you to help you in this amazing journey.

Tags: Adoption Announcement, Adoption General Information

Adoption: Laughter and Tears

 by: Tanya Sturman

If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be an experience youll never forget. Witnessing children in poverty, children discarded, children stunted both physically and emotionally, will stir your heart beyond belief. And adopting a child is a joy as great as witnessing the first sharp intake of breath by your very own newborn infant.

 The suffering of orphans vary from country to country, but even in the US, where conditions are as good as they get outside of Western Europe, less than 20% of those that age out of the foster care system are completely self-sufficient as young adults. The conditions elsewhere are sad and sadder, and the need for families to take these children home is dire, in some cases a matter of life and death. The orphans in Sierra Leone bear pain and suffering that no human being should have to endure. Food, potable water, and healthcare are in short supply. The median age in Sierra Leone is 17. Due to war and shortages of food supply, many of these children wont make it to that median age.

 Children waiting for adoption in Sierra Leone. The future looks bleak for even the average orphan. In Russia, 40% of the orphans who never find homes as children become homeless as adults, and 10% commit suicide after aging out of the system. For those with special needs the future is even grimmer. Disabilities are not tolerated anywhere in the world as well as they are in the United States. Wheelchair ramps and accessible public bathrooms are just a couple of outward signs of how integrated our society is. In many countries, special needs orphans will never leave the institution. In Russia, they are considered incurable invalids and put in a sanatorium for life. Kimberly Reese described the situation in both Hungary and Bulgaria, I saw NO special needs people ANYWHERE outside the orphanages.

 Susan Buchholz adopted from Vietnam twice. Both of her Vietnamese daughters are special needs children. The only people she saw outside the orphanage with disabilities were those peddling postcards to tourist. She also witnessed many children begging on the streets. This image still haunts her. Poverty is a way of life in Vietnam. She describes bringing home her second daughter, Teresa. Even at 14 months of age, she had only had formula and rice soup which I imagine to be a kind of rice cereal. Thai, from International Mission of Hope, told us that Vietnamese families do no teach their children to feed themselves until they are 7 or 8 years old to limit their intake of food. He said the teachers in the younger grades also feed their students for the same reason. 

Bulgarias orphans suffer emotional neglect. Kimberly Reese adopted two children from Hungary and one from Bulgaria. Ellas orphanage in Bulgaria was awful. I can say that both of my Hungarian children were well cared for and came home very stable emotionally. My Bulgarian child was clearly mistreated. she was like a wild animal. It was very sad.

Nikki from Hungary, and Ella from Bolivia. Like Susan, Kimberly adopted special needs children. Kimberlys oldest child, Nikki, is missing most of her left hand. Nikki was offered to Kimberly and her husband by the adoption agency and since they didnt think her special need was a big deal, they accepted her. Once we got Nikki home, we realized that these kids rarely ever get adopted in Europe– unless by Americans. Nikki is so wonderful. We requested special needs after that. Ellas special needs were emotional. Their youngest, David, was adopted from Hungary and doesnt have any hands. Because both Nikki and David have upper limb deformities, Ella always wants to be just like them. Strange, isnt it? She wants a hand like Nikkis or arms like Davids. I have seen her try to eat or drink using her elbows like David. 

These disabilities are a part of a natural life to Susans and Kimberlys families. Life is a joy with their beautiful children, and if anything the disabilities create laughter. One of the funniest comments I remember was when we first brought Nikki home. My cousin had adopted two kids form the states and we were having a party to celebrate. We were at the pizza place and my little cousin said, Kim, dont panic! They have got to be here somewhere! He was so serious that I started to get concerned as he almost frantically looked around for something. I said, what is it, baby?! He said, Im sure Nikki had them when she came in but she has dropped three of her fingers! It was a scream!

 Many parents choose international adoption just for this reason. They can offer a better– a much better– life to a child from an underprivileged country. They can see an angel where others have only seen an invalid. They can offer steak and chocolate cake to a child that has hungered for rice. Hundreds of thousands of children are waiting for families to rescue them from coming of age in an orphanage. For most the wait is futile. Sadder yet are the potential matches between orphans and families that go unpaired. There are thousands of families with the financial and emotional resources it takes to raise another child. They are willing and eager to care for and love a child as their own but unable to come up with the large adoption fees required upfront. The $20,000 price tag is a hard hurdle to overcome.

 Many adopting families beg and borrow enough to cover these initial fees from families and friends. Those who are able to cash in their IRAs or take out a second mortgage are fortunate. Some run up credit card debt to cover adoption fees. Many give up and never consider adopting again. The road to adoption is steep, but the rewards are tremendous. Imagine giving a child a warm bubble bath before bed. Now imagine that this is a brand new experience for your child. Warm bath water is a luxury many of these children never know. Even if you are unable to adopt a child yourself you can still make a difference by donating to a childrens charity which offers adoption grants to families adopting older or special needs children.

Tags: adoption agency, international adoption, Orphans and Orphanages