The adoption triad consists of the children who are adopted, birth mothers and fathers and adoptive parents. Even if these three groups never meet together, their lives are bound to one another through adoption. The children are connected to both sets of parents, and the birth parents and adoptive parents are connected to each other through the children. There are joys and sorrows for everyone joined to adoption. Birth parents may miss the child they created, but may also be comforted that the child is being well cared for and loved in her new home. Adoptive parents may be concerned that the child will feel the loss of her biological parents but may be happy to love, care and raise the child. The child may wonder about her biological parents but may cherish and love her adoptive parents. These thoughts and feelings are complicated, complex and lifelong, and are dealt with more easily by some people while others may struggle with them. Each adoption is unique and so is the adjustment to it. But, with love and support, most adoptions are successful at creating loving and stable environments in which children blossom.

Not all adoptions are successful and some people are opposed to adoption, but those who support adoption recognize it as a way to provide children with a safe, stable, and loving home environment. If you are considering adoption, you probably already know some of the challenges. Our society sends mixed messages about adoption. On one hand, you have probably seen or heard public service announcements that talk about how precious adoption can be; what a difference you can make in a child's life. On the other hand, you will see movies or news stories where an adopted child has been in trouble or an adoption was done illegally. Of course, this happens. But, biological children also do horrible things and biological parents sometimes do horrible things to their children. Your decision to adopt should be about your family. Do you want to parent a child and are you willing and able to face the challenges that being an adoptive parent may bring?

These are a couple of very difficult questions that must be answered prior to beginning the adoption process. With the possibility of becoming adoptive parents, there is a responsibility of the highest commitment owed the potential adpoted children. It is critical that you do extensive research on the adoption process, so you can determine if it is truly an experience you can manage. The children must not be given false hope. At this point in their lives, they need and deserve nothing less than complete and reassuring love.

One of the main questions that adoptive parents must ask themselves is can they love a child not born to them? If you read stories and books by adoptive parents, you will find that the majority come to see themselves connected to their adopted children in ways not understood by people who think that a genetic link to their children is the essential tie. Years ago, Cybthia McFadden interviewed Barbara Walters and her adopted daughter about this very issue. Barbara Walters and her daughter were so loving and demonstrated so strongly the power of love as the key to successful parenting. The Lifetime Network had a show called Adoption Stories that profiled families' journeys through adoption. Watching these parents struggle through the adoption process and then watching these parents with their children, you could not help but be inspired. And, these families clearly loved and were loved by their adopted children.These families showed that parenting is a choice and they could easily love a child not born to them. While it might not be for everybody, for most people it is just another way to make a family.

Asking yourself these tough questions is important. For some people, the answers come easily. If you are one of those who know, you can meet a child's need for a family openly and you can help that child as he grows ( and support him if he has questions or struggles about his adoption), your next step is to find an adoption agency that can work with you to help you in this amazing journey.

Tags: Adoption Announcement, Adoption General Information

The pain of giving up a child for adoption can be lessened with open adoption. In open adoption, the birth mother can interview prospective parents and decide who the birth parents will be. The birth parent can be just a single mother or it can include the father in the decision-making. Either way, their one concern is that the baby be placed in an adoptive home where it will be well cared for and have the best chances for its future.

The tools birth parents use to evaluate prospective adoptive parents:

 

• Resume
• Photos
• Phone Call
• Interview

 

The Resume

Unlike a job resume the adoptive resume consists less of vital statistics and more of the personal attributes and view of life of the adoptive parents. In it there should be a letter, which should begin "Dear Birth Mother" and indicate why the parents are seeking adoption and their views on open adoption. It should include personal information like the type of neighborhood, hobbies, relatives, education and home life. This gives the birth mother a good idea of how committed the family is to adoption and what types of resources her child will have growing up.

Photos

As corny as the old adage is, a picture is still worth a thousand words. Close-up photos of the birth parent are important, but so too are the pictures of siblings, pets, household, neighborhood, and special occasions. Here a prospective adoptive couple can get very creative in conveying just how wonderful their life is and how they have much to offer an adopted child. The birth mother will want to be able to picture her child in the happy, loving home of its adoptive parents.

Phone Call

Before a face-to-face interview is scheduled, often a phone call is set up by the adoption agency or lawyer. This is usually a conference call and questions are sometimes scripted so that all prospective adoptive parents get the same questions. If the birth mother feels there is a potential match, she can request an interview.

Interview

The birth parent interview with the prospective parents may be held at a restaurant with the prospective parents understanding they are to pay for the meal. The counselor helping the adoption process will most likely also be there. This is the time when birth parents can assess if the family is a really good match with more in-depth questions than what were given in the phone interview.

After this entire process, there are a variety of factors a birth mother will evaluate in choosing the new parents. Many focus on education, religion, and the stability of the home. They prefer to know that their child will have a good chance at being well-educated and that the family doesn't move around too often and the marriage is sound. She will be anxious to know their views on open adoption and how much contact they will allow her after the adoption takes place.

The deciding factor in all these communications can end up being the fact that birth parents are musically inclined, like the birth mother, or have hobbies and skills that the birth mother appreciates. It's hard to tell what will swing the vote, but mostly both adoptive parents and birth mother can tell upon the interview if they are a good match without hesitation.

Another set of factors may be the cultural heritage of the couple or their expressed religious faith. If it closely matches the birth mother's values, the birth mother will know her child is being raised in a similar environment to her own. Language barriers may also be a reason why a birth mother chooses close to her own culture, plus the understanding that the child will have good roots in a family that can support it, but also roots in its ethnicity and people.

There are many ways a birth parent chooses the family for her baby. It is a long and involved process but one that can bring a sense of peace to the birth mother and the joy of a new child to adoptive couples. Establishing good, honest communication during the adoption process between the birth parent and the adoptive parents is a skill they will need to continue on with a process that can last a lifetime.

Tags: adoption agency, domestic adoption

 

What will we face when adoptees ask their birth parents, "Why did you put me in a gay home instead of with a heterosexual family? Was it because the gay couple paid a higher fee to an attorney or the birth mother?" Many professionals and birth parents are concerned with what the long term effects will be when an adopted child is purposely placed with and raised by a same sex couple. For adoptees, dealing with the normal stresses of life, along with always explaining the relationship with their parents and their adoptions, are challenge enough. How much more confused will their lives become with the added stress of the abnormal parent issue?

Two adoptees, now pre-teens, recently shared about their struggle in life and how they confidentially wished their birth parents, as they put it, "had loved them enough to place them in a normal home." Nick, age 12, shared, "I just don't get where she was when she thought this was going to be the best thing for a me. It isn't the best and I hate her for what she did. Why didn't she want me to have a normal life? I don't even have friends over and they don't invite me to their house. It just sucks. I am a freak, being raised by even freakier parents."

Jodi, age 14, shared a similar reaction. "Like the kids in school expect me to be gay too. I'm not and I think my birth mother must have really not cared where I went. I look at my friends at school and they have like completely normal lives, a mom and a dad. I have two dads. One of my friend's parents found out about my parents and won't let me hang around with their daughter, because I might influence her. I hate my life and can't wait to get out on my own. I don't fit in. My biological mother didn't care and my adoptive parents don't care either. I don't know where I fit in." Jenny is a 26 year old birth mother who chose a Lesbian couple to adopt her twin girls who are now 10 years old. She says, "I thought at the time it was cool. You know, they didn't have a chance anywhere else, and I was the one to help them make a family. They (the Lesbian couple) showered me with stuff and I thought at the time, "Hey why not?"

That was 10 years ago.

She now tells us, "One of the twins speaks to me and the other doesn't want to have any contact at all. I feel very bad and regret my decision. I was young and stupid; the attorney I used pushed this couple on me. I could ring her neck now for taking advantage of me and telling me that the only people that could help me were a gay couple. I didn't think of what the kids would think later. I don't know how that attorney sleeps at night. I wish I had made another decision, but I didn't. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I did."

Most articles and reports focus on the rights of gay couples to adopt. No one talks about the rights of the children to be raised in an accepted family with a mom and a dad. They treat the children as a possession. Many prospective gay or lesbian parents turn to public foster care programs to create a family, as social workers are trying to get the children out of foster care and into any kind of home. The best interest of the children, again, is the last thing considered.

One social worker shared confidentially that she didn't have a choice. "I have a huge case load. They come in and push and push and we need to get the numbers up for the month, and we just roll over. I have never shared with my family what I do, but I carry a burden about the future. My job is very stressful; you don't know how hard it is to find parents for special needs children. If all I have to choose from are same sex couples, well then, they get to adopt the kids. What can I say?"

The system is set up much different than it was years ago. More state and private agencies are allowing gay adoptions in domestic and international adoptions. The agencies that are not supposed to accept gays turn their heads when asking a "single" parent about their family and personal life.

Some social workers flatly tell gay couples what to say on their applications and home study to get it approved. But what about the children? Until more straight adoptive parents step up and adopt waiting children, we will see an increase in children's anger regarding getting second best when it came to parents.

Nick and Jodi rightfully wonder how birth parents, social workers and attorneys will deal with the kids' anger for their actions today? Time will tell. And until then more children are placed in homes where the daily struggles and challenges of normal life suddenly have to take on the abnormal as well.

 

About the Author

Author Helen McDaniel is married and the adoptive mother of 3 children. She works with children in foster care and with family issues.

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information

Years ago, children who were adopted had a lot of issues, most of them related to wanting to know their real parents. They grew up and had always this in their mind, to know the real parents. They checked the adoption register in their home town and could not find anything. The problem here was that the adoption records were not correct.

You are probably also aware of just how difficult it can be to gain access to them. There are numerous reasons why an adoptee would want to take a look at the legal documents surrounding their adoption. Sometimes it is just pure curiosity, but other times, adoption records may hold the answer with regards to a grave illness or disease.

In most states, these legal records do not fall under the Freedom of Information Act, and therefore are not accessible by the general public, and also includes those individuals who have been adopted, or are an adoptive parent. Luckily, the Internet has made it possible to bring an adoptee together with their biological families, if both sides are willing. This makes gaining access to adoption records unnecessary; since the adopted individual will be able to learn everything they want to know first hand.

Some individuals who were adopted as babies are unaware of their true place and time of birth, have no idea who their biological parents were, and might be unaware of important medical situations that were present at birth. Adoption records can provide names of people and places that may be of importance, as well as a wealth of additional information.

For those who are seeking detailed information concerning their birth, there are many avenues that can be taken. For example, The National Center for Adoption Law and Policy will be able to provide information regarding laws that govern the unsealing of adoption records. In addition to this resource, The National Adoption Clearinghouse offers information on such topics as access to adoption records, confidential intermediaries, reunion registries, adoption laws and information pertaining to the release of birth records.

Conducting a search on the World Wide Web using any of the major search engines, and typing in the term ?adoption records? will yield about 330,000 results. Many of these results will link to organizations, agencies and the like who provide resources that will help you find the information you are seeking.

Another tool that is helpful when searching for information is pre-adoption records. While these records are not open to the general public, they are normally accessible by the adoptee, since it is this person?s information that the records hold. Pre-adoption records refer to records that were kept on an individual before a legal adoption took place. These records can include, but are not limited to, hospital records, court records, children?s service agency records and immunization records. Some of these records may hold the key to finding the actual adoption records.

 

About the Author:

You will find more from this author at: family-mag.com

 

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption Announcement, adoption records

 

Adoption Centers

 

Adoption centers are similar to adoption agencies.  They are organizations that help match potential adoptive parents with children who are able to be adopted.  Most adoption centers offer full services to both adoptive parents as well as to birth parents.  Their services often include counseling beginning with pregnancy.  They also may have a group of lawyers who can provide legal counseling for the adoption process. 

 

Adoption centers may offer assistance to pregnant women.  These services include counseling to help the woman understand the choices available to her.  This can include couples counseling as well as family counseling.  These sessions are private and confidential, affording women the best opportunity to decide what is best for them in their particular situation.

 

Legal counseling is also available at adoption centers.  Pregnant women need to understand their rights and how to legally put their child up for adoption.  Adoptive parents need legal advice about how to ensure that the adoption is fully legal and the child will be adopted without incident.  Many adoptive parents go through the adoption process only to find out at the last minute that the birth mother has changed her mind. Pre-emptive legal counseling can avoid this from happening.  Understanding the legalities of all the paperwork is a must to ensure that the adoption cannot be reversed later.

 

Adoption centers may work with several or more adoption agencies for actual children placement.  This allows you to have the benefit of their experience and lets you work with several agencies.  Some adoption centers help to match pregnant birth mothers with perspective adoptive parents before the birth. Adoptive parents may choose to pay for medical and birth expenses incurred by the birth mother to ensure a healthy pregnancy and delivery. 

 

Centers often help birth mothers feel more comfortable about the adoption process by helping them choose from potential adoptive families.  This can help make the process go smoothly from the beginning.  Some centers are nationwide or have a link to many other agencies to afford the widest range of available birth mothers and potential adoptive parents. 

 

Besides counseling, adoption centers usually have a lot of information such as brochures and booklets that people can take with to read later.  It is wise to start an adoption folder to begin collecting information about adoption.  Visit adoption centers to get an idea of what the adoption process will entail and whether or not you are likely to be qualified.

 

Adoption centers usually employ qualified individuals who take an active interest in matching good perspective parents with children.  These people often work hard to make sure that the process is pleasant and that everyone understands each phase along the way.  Adoption can take some time.  Most people don’t realize that it can take a year or two, on average, to be matched with a child.  It can take even longer if you are waiting for an infant.  Adoption centers can help adoptive parents understand the types of children that are available and what type of care older children and special needs children may have. 

Tags: Adoption Centers, Adoption General Information, adoption in ohio, licensed infant adoption in ohio, ocala adoption lawyer, ohio adoption, State Adoption, texas adoption