So you've met the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You get married, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Right? Well perhaps happily every after? is subjective and means something different to different people. But whatever happens after you ride off into the sunset and disappear into the horizon, your married life will eventually have to make room for the little pitter patter of tiny feet. Right?

Well there are quite a few married couples who realize that for one reason or another, they cannot bear children together. Some married couples try for years to get pregnant, try all the fertility treatments (mainstream and alternative) and still come up empty handed. There are also some married couples who either married too late or waited too long so they reach the stage of past child-bearing age and suddenly, they feel they want a child. Then there are still some couples who have their own children and yet they feel the need to spread their joy and love further to other children still.

How ever different these three scenarios are, there may come a point in their lives when they will come across the life altering question they need to ask themselves, Am I ready to adopt a child??

The scarlet letter
Child adoption is a big step in a married couple?s lives and may be one of the biggest decisions they will have to make together that have a long lasting impact in their lives. Having children is a big responsibility in itself and child adoption brings with it its own set of sensitivities.

For all the right reasons
If you a childless married couple who have come to the end of their ropes in the hopes of conceiving, please take into consideration that child adoption isn?t necessarily the answer to your problem. Continued unsuccessful attempts at trying conceive can greatly strain a married couple?s relationship and it can test even the strongest of the strong.

At the point where you seem desperately grasping at straws, you might think of adopting a child to keep the marriage together. But think it through thoroughly because you are bringing in a new life into yours and it wouldn?t be fair to adopt under these circumstances. Remember, adopting a child doesn?t mean that all your problems will be solved. Adding a new member to your already chaotic relationship may even result in more harm than good.

Child adoption is a big responsibility that has a huge potential to further add love and fulfillment in a married couple?s life provided that they do so after they have considered all they need to consider and make the necessary adjustments for it.

Will it work for you?

So you?ve come to a decision that you want to adopt a child. You may be emotionally and mentally ready individually and as a couple enough to embark on this path but are you ready in other aspects?

First do some research and find out the requirements for child adoption. Also, find out statistics like how quickly can you expect to be able to find a child do adopt and bring home. Finding these details out will help both of you manage expectations.

Whatever you?ve been through to get to the point of wanting to adopt, remember to not focus so much on the fact that you cannot conceive your own children, instead, think of the parent-less child you will be bringing into your loving home soon.

 

About the Author:

Robert Thatcher is a freelance publisher based in Cupertino, California. He publishes articles and reports in various ezines and provides air purifier resources on www.your-adoption-resources.info.

Tags: Adoption General Information

 

What will we face when adoptees ask their birth parents, "Why did you put me in a gay home instead of with a heterosexual family? Was it because the gay couple paid a higher fee to an attorney or the birth mother?" Many professionals and birth parents are concerned with what the long term effects will be when an adopted child is purposely placed with and raised by a same sex couple. For adoptees, dealing with the normal stresses of life, along with always explaining the relationship with their parents and their adoptions, are challenge enough. How much more confused will their lives become with the added stress of the abnormal parent issue?

Two adoptees, now pre-teens, recently shared about their struggle in life and how they confidentially wished their birth parents, as they put it, "had loved them enough to place them in a normal home." Nick, age 12, shared, "I just don't get where she was when she thought this was going to be the best thing for a me. It isn't the best and I hate her for what she did. Why didn't she want me to have a normal life? I don't even have friends over and they don't invite me to their house. It just sucks. I am a freak, being raised by even freakier parents."

Jodi, age 14, shared a similar reaction. "Like the kids in school expect me to be gay too. I'm not and I think my birth mother must have really not cared where I went. I look at my friends at school and they have like completely normal lives, a mom and a dad. I have two dads. One of my friend's parents found out about my parents and won't let me hang around with their daughter, because I might influence her. I hate my life and can't wait to get out on my own. I don't fit in. My biological mother didn't care and my adoptive parents don't care either. I don't know where I fit in." Jenny is a 26 year old birth mother who chose a Lesbian couple to adopt her twin girls who are now 10 years old. She says, "I thought at the time it was cool. You know, they didn't have a chance anywhere else, and I was the one to help them make a family. They (the Lesbian couple) showered me with stuff and I thought at the time, "Hey why not?"

That was 10 years ago.

She now tells us, "One of the twins speaks to me and the other doesn't want to have any contact at all. I feel very bad and regret my decision. I was young and stupid; the attorney I used pushed this couple on me. I could ring her neck now for taking advantage of me and telling me that the only people that could help me were a gay couple. I didn't think of what the kids would think later. I don't know how that attorney sleeps at night. I wish I had made another decision, but I didn't. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I did."

Most articles and reports focus on the rights of gay couples to adopt. No one talks about the rights of the children to be raised in an accepted family with a mom and a dad. They treat the children as a possession. Many prospective gay or lesbian parents turn to public foster care programs to create a family, as social workers are trying to get the children out of foster care and into any kind of home. The best interest of the children, again, is the last thing considered.

One social worker shared confidentially that she didn't have a choice. "I have a huge case load. They come in and push and push and we need to get the numbers up for the month, and we just roll over. I have never shared with my family what I do, but I carry a burden about the future. My job is very stressful; you don't know how hard it is to find parents for special needs children. If all I have to choose from are same sex couples, well then, they get to adopt the kids. What can I say?"

The system is set up much different than it was years ago. More state and private agencies are allowing gay adoptions in domestic and international adoptions. The agencies that are not supposed to accept gays turn their heads when asking a "single" parent about their family and personal life.

Some social workers flatly tell gay couples what to say on their applications and home study to get it approved. But what about the children? Until more straight adoptive parents step up and adopt waiting children, we will see an increase in children's anger regarding getting second best when it came to parents.

Nick and Jodi rightfully wonder how birth parents, social workers and attorneys will deal with the kids' anger for their actions today? Time will tell. And until then more children are placed in homes where the daily struggles and challenges of normal life suddenly have to take on the abnormal as well.

 

About the Author

Author Helen McDaniel is married and the adoptive mother of 3 children. She works with children in foster care and with family issues.

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information

The author talks about her experience with infertility
Most people dont give adoption much thought. We tend to see it as a fine thing in a vague sort of way but were sure its not for us.

I would have agreed with this years ago but a number of things have happened to change my mind.

Back in 1988 when we married, my husband and I assumed wed have children right away. He thought two would be nice while I secretly preferred something along the lines of six or more. When three years had passed with no pregnancy I wasnt alarmed exactly; it was like hearing a siren from miles away and wondering where the fire was. Shortly after our fifth wedding anniversary I realized that something really was wrong. That siren was ringing for me.

I went to see a doctor, and then another. And then I saw a infertility specialist. I read books, underwent tests that became increasingly more uncomfortable until finally, I ended up having procedures done that were considerably painful. Ive taken expensive medications and lived my life by the charts my doctor set up. To back up Western medicine I consulted naturopathic doctors and even took a trip to Chinatown and visited an elderly Chinese herbalist. He gave me a bottle full of slimy, foul smelling black pills. A few years earlier I wouldve laughed and walked out. After seven years of infertility I bought the pills and took four everyday. With this full scale bombardment of my reluctant reproductive system I got pregnant. Four times actually. Each pregnancy ended in miscarriage before I even realized that I was pregnant in the first place.

Infertility is like being force fed a belly full of bitter water everyday of your life. Ive felt every emotion from shame, to fear, to rage so boiling hot it frightened me. Its impossible to live this way for very long and eventually my husband convinced me that there might be another way: adoption.

We looked into adoption very cautiously. As we attended seminars and adoption fairs we both noticed something interesting: we were almost always the only black people there. Although it often felt like it, we werent the only black couple fighting infertility in America and the adoption seminars and agencies we researched dealt primarily in placing black and mixed raced children. What was going on?

Black culture has always embraced informal, family adoption. When young Susie got pregnant out of wedlock it was common for Grandma or Aunt Lucy to step in and raise the child as their own. If Cousin Della got sick or died leaving young children you could be sure that some relative would take them home. Today millions of black women find themselves raising grandchildren because the AIDS epidemic or the scourge of drug abuse has destroyed their children.

The trouble, I think lies with the perceived red tape that goes along with formal adoption. Unless you are a celebrity or are very rich there are two hurdles that you must clear in order to adopt an American child. First, as crass as it sounds you need ready cash and lots of it. Even if you turn to a state run agency you must be prepared to spend several thousands of dollars. Second, your life will be examined by a disinterested person who is looking for trouble. You will need personal references, your credit will looked into and if youre married, that stability of your marriage will be probed for any sign of weakness. Many people, black and white find this discovery process to be distasteful but I really cant object to it. Children awaiting adoption are not pets or toys. Every effort must be made to be sure that they dont end up in bad homes. Little Candace Moody and Lisa Steinberg are two examples of what horrors can occur when a helpless child is handed over to an unstable person. Both these children died horrible deaths because they were adopted by the wrong people.

The North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) says that there are currently about 53,000 black kids waiting for adoption. Most of them will spend five or more years in foster care. The ones who dont find homes will be essentially set adrift once they reach age 18. Thats not good enough. At those adoption seminars I met white couples who were willing to adopt black children but they are a drop in an ocean of need. Transracial adoption as controversial as it is only accounts for less than ten percent of adoptions nationwide. Adopting a child takes more than love. If you have the patience to endure the process, room in your heart and home, and yes, the willingness to spend the money, consider adopting. Black parents are desperately needed and the kids cant wait any longer.

About the Author

Kimberley Lindsay Wilson's guest editorials and book reivews have appeared in over 100 newspapers across the country. She is a contributing writer for numerous e-zines and is the author of 11 Things Mama Should've Told You About Men and the newly revised Work It! The Black Woman's Guide to Success at Work.

Tags: Adoption General Information, domestic adoption, Interacial Adoption

As people, we all fear abandonment. We look upon the abandonment of a child with a very deep sense of sadness.

We realize that no child should be left to grow alone. We see the infancy of a child as a crucial stage to his/her development as a human being.

Child adoption is sometimes seen as a solution to the ever-increasing number of abandoned children every year.

Child adoption bridges the gap between children who have no parents and adults who have no children.

Child adoption attempts to create a balance to at least regain some stability between parents and children.

First of all, who can adopt?

Child adoption laws vary from place to place. Thus, the characteristics of potential parents also vary. Generally, couples 30-50 years old are acceptable as potential parents.

However, some child adoption agencies consider different types of people as long as they have shown themselves capable of rearing a child.

Whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, married, single, divorced or separated, there are a number of child adoption options available for you.

Even if you wish to adopt a child from another country, a number of child adoption services are there to help you face the complications that may come.

How do you adopt?

Well, you will need to enlist the services of a child adoption attorney. He/she can guide you through the different aspects of the law regarding child adoption.

With the help of a child adoption attorney, you may be able to reach the right people and make the right moves towards child adoption.

Government child adoption services can also offer you the chance of having a child of your own. Different child adoption services can help you speed-up the process of child adoption.

You will have to face a waiting period in order for the agency to prepare for your adoption. As with everything else in the world, child adoption takes time.

Of course there is also the paperwork. In order to properly follow the course of legal child adoption, you will have to fill out a huge amount of paperwork. A child adoption attorney can help you handle the documentation.

Of course, we are talking about the welfare of the child here, and not just the want of the parents.

In child adoption, you need to prove yourself as a capable parent. This is done through a series of "home studies" wherein you are observed whether you can provide a good home for child adoption.

These "home studies" are often done through a series of interviews and observations to give the child adoption service an idea of what you would be like as a parent.

These home studies are also for your benefit, as they will give you more in-depth look at the requirements for child adoption.

Usually, child adoption services prefer potential parents who have completed studies about family-building and child-rearing. The main objective of these child adoption agencies is to care for the parentless child. They need to see that the child can be fully taken-cared of and, with your care, can grow up in the right way.

Although there are no people who hold the absolute truth as to the right ways to raise a child, there are still some norms that people tend to look upon before approving child adoption.

 

About the Author:

Jeanette Pollock is a freelance author and website owner of JustAdoptionTips.com. Visit Jeanette's website to get more child adoption tips!

 

Tags: Adoption General Information, domestic adoption, Orphans and Orphanages

* Who is eligible to adopt?

If you are fully committed to the decision to adopt, then you already have the most essential factor to gaining custody of a child. Moreover, if you can provide for the basic needs of a child as well as give him a nurturing environment then you may adopt. Here are some factors that will help you know who is qualified to adopt:

- Single individuals who are 21 years old and above
- Married couples who are childless or who have other children
- The emotional and physical well-being of potential adoptive parents is also taken into consideration

* I am single, can I adopt?

Yes. Even though you are single you have the option to adopt if you wish, given that you are 21 years old and above.

Commitment is the essential factor that most agencies are looking for in adoptive parents. A caring environment is necessary to ensure that the adopted child will grow into a productive adult.

* Is a special needs adoption the right choice for me?

If you are the type of person who is patient, has ample time to give the needs of a special child as well as shower him with the love he needs, then adopting a child with special needs may be for you. Emotional stability is needed to hurdle the many trials you will face with the decision to adopt a child with special needs.

Additionally, being financially and physically strong can be helpful in overcoming the challenge of being an adoptive parent to a child with special needs.

* Should I do international or domestic adoption?

There are numerous factors for you to consider before jumping into the decision to choose either international or domestic adoption. Such factors are:

- Travel. Once you decide to adopt internationally, you are required to personally pick up the child from his or her country. Normally you are required to stay for a week. There are times that the length of stay for adoptive parents can be up to three weeks.

On the other hand, adopting a child within your state will not require you extensive and intercontinental travels.

- Expenses. Surveys show that international adoption is the most expensive type of adoption since there are many documents to prepare as well as fees to pay. On the other hand, opting for a domestic adoption is not as costly as international adoption. There are times when domestic adoption can be free of charge. Each case is individual.

- Adoption Training. It is recommended for domestic adoption to attend trainings and seminars before gaining custody of a child. While international adoptions do not normally have required training.

* What are some legal issues in adoption?

Legal issues in adoption differ from one state to another or from one country to another. It also depends on the type of adoption from which you will be choosing. Hence, if you plan to adopt, it is recommended that you research and be familiar with the existing laws and regulations on adoption in your area.

* How can the Internet help me in adopting a child?

The Internet is a good venue for you to adopt a child. Most adoption websites will help you get through the adoption process. Here are some common factors you may encounter via the Internet when adopting a child:

- Initial process of adopting a child - the things you need to know to start the process
- Information on the selection process and post-adoption process
- Wide selections of adoption institutions
- Support groups
- Photos of children waiting to be adopted

 

About the Author:

Annecy Ashburn is a regular contributor to adoption and infertility-related resources such as Adoption Questions and Answers. Website: http://www.AdoptionQA.com

 

Tags: adoption agency, adoption forums, Adoption General Information