What will we face when adoptees ask their birth parents, "Why did you put me in a gay home instead of with a heterosexual family? Was it because the gay couple paid a higher fee to an attorney or the birth mother?" Many professionals and birth parents are concerned with what the long term effects will be when an adopted child is purposely placed with and raised by a same sex couple. For adoptees, dealing with the normal stresses of life, along with always explaining the relationship with their parents and their adoptions, are challenge enough. How much more confused will their lives become with the added stress of the abnormal parent issue?

Two adoptees, now pre-teens, recently shared about their struggle in life and how they confidentially wished their birth parents, as they put it, "had loved them enough to place them in a normal home." Nick, age 12, shared, "I just don't get where she was when she thought this was going to be the best thing for a me. It isn't the best and I hate her for what she did. Why didn't she want me to have a normal life? I don't even have friends over and they don't invite me to their house. It just sucks. I am a freak, being raised by even freakier parents."

Jodi, age 14, shared a similar reaction. "Like the kids in school expect me to be gay too. I'm not and I think my birth mother must have really not cared where I went. I look at my friends at school and they have like completely normal lives, a mom and a dad. I have two dads. One of my friend's parents found out about my parents and won't let me hang around with their daughter, because I might influence her. I hate my life and can't wait to get out on my own. I don't fit in. My biological mother didn't care and my adoptive parents don't care either. I don't know where I fit in." Jenny is a 26 year old birth mother who chose a Lesbian couple to adopt her twin girls who are now 10 years old. She says, "I thought at the time it was cool. You know, they didn't have a chance anywhere else, and I was the one to help them make a family. They (the Lesbian couple) showered me with stuff and I thought at the time, "Hey why not?"

That was 10 years ago.

She now tells us, "One of the twins speaks to me and the other doesn't want to have any contact at all. I feel very bad and regret my decision. I was young and stupid; the attorney I used pushed this couple on me. I could ring her neck now for taking advantage of me and telling me that the only people that could help me were a gay couple. I didn't think of what the kids would think later. I don't know how that attorney sleeps at night. I wish I had made another decision, but I didn't. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I did."

Most articles and reports focus on the rights of gay couples to adopt. No one talks about the rights of the children to be raised in an accepted family with a mom and a dad. They treat the children as a possession. Many prospective gay or lesbian parents turn to public foster care programs to create a family, as social workers are trying to get the children out of foster care and into any kind of home. The best interest of the children, again, is the last thing considered.

One social worker shared confidentially that she didn't have a choice. "I have a huge case load. They come in and push and push and we need to get the numbers up for the month, and we just roll over. I have never shared with my family what I do, but I carry a burden about the future. My job is very stressful; you don't know how hard it is to find parents for special needs children. If all I have to choose from are same sex couples, well then, they get to adopt the kids. What can I say?"

The system is set up much different than it was years ago. More state and private agencies are allowing gay adoptions in domestic and international adoptions. The agencies that are not supposed to accept gays turn their heads when asking a "single" parent about their family and personal life.

Some social workers flatly tell gay couples what to say on their applications and home study to get it approved. But what about the children? Until more straight adoptive parents step up and adopt waiting children, we will see an increase in children's anger regarding getting second best when it came to parents.

Nick and Jodi rightfully wonder how birth parents, social workers and attorneys will deal with the kids' anger for their actions today? Time will tell. And until then more children are placed in homes where the daily struggles and challenges of normal life suddenly have to take on the abnormal as well.

About the Author

Author Helen McDaniel is married and the adoptive mother of 3 children. She works with children in foster care and with family issues.

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information

By Jeff Gammage

Tags: Adoption by Country, guatemala adoption

Whether you are considering doing an agency or independent adoption, one of the first things that you will have to do is to work with an agency to complete a Home Study. The Home Study is comprised of information that you give to the agency in the form of questionnaires, interviews and forms. For many couples, this is the most nerve racking part of the whole adoption process.

The first thing you should do is to choose an agency that you feel comfortable with. You have to share a lot of information during the Home Study process and you need to feel good about the agency that is getting all of this information. Most agencies will hopefully try to make you feel as comfortable as possible during the process. They are not there to judge you or to give you a pass or fail grade. They are there to help you become a family. They recognize that in many ways it is not fair that adoptive families have to go through the Home Study process to become parents when they would not have to have a Home Study if they weren't building their family through adoption.

The purpose of the Adoption Home Study Process is two fold. As a legal document, it lets the court know that families have met certain state and federal guidelines surrounding adoptive families. It also lets Birthparents who are choosing adoption to know that their child will be with a loving family in a safe home and they will be well cared for. Typically in agency adoptions the written Home Study that contains identifying information is not shared with the Birthparents, but non-identifying information is shared if they have questions. Birthparents are given a copy of the Home Study in many independent adoptions.

Although each state has its own specific guidelines surrounding the Home Study, most states agree on the same basic information to be included in the Home Study. This basic information includes a local and nationwide police background check (sometimes done by fingerprints, sometimes done by name and social security number), a child sexual abuse, child abuse and sexual offender registry background check, a physical including blood work, a TB test and a drug screen, reference letters from friends, family and other people and a financial form that basically needs to show that there is more money coming in that going out. There are forms or questionnaires that cover such subjects as parenting, marriage, views on adoption and your fertility process. You can expect to write a short autobiography and should receive a basic outline for the autobiography from your agency. You will have individual interviews and interviews conducted as a couple. At some point, the agency will conduct a home visit. During this visit you will need to have working fire alarms, a fire extinguisher and you will need to show that any fire arms you own are locked and secured so that no children can get to them.

Although the Home Study is quite extensive, it takes a lot to not be approved as an adoptive family. Minor offenses that happened 20 years ago or traffic violations typically do not affect being approved as an adoptive family. Illnesses that are controlled by medication and are not terminal or minor mental health issues that are controlled by medication and counseling typically do not affect the Home Study process either. Terminal illnesses, current police records, being on the sexual offender registry or child abuse registry are all things that would more than likely keep you have having an approved Home Study. Not being honest during the Home Study process can have a negative affect on approval as well. If you have a police record and do not discuss it with your casework, it can cause more problems in the long run, even if it was just a minor incident. They will find any records, arrests, charges you have had when they do the background check even if the charges were dropped, so it is best to be up front about everything.

Many agencies also have agency specific guidelines or items that they include in the Home Study. Some agencies might include information about your religion, even including a statement of faith. They might ask you about your views on disciplining and have a special section in the Home Study that discusses your discipline plans for your child. They might have you fill out a form that states what kind of placement you feel comfortable with including Birthparent medical and social background and activity during pregnancy, such as a Birthmother who smokes during her entire pregnancy or a Birthfather whose family has a history of Schizophrenia. Many agencies want a statement from you about openness and adoption and how you feel about continued contact with the Birthparents, sharing pictures and letters and talking you to your child about adoption.

When doing an agency adoption, you may have to go through a Home Study group with other couples who are currently going through the adoption Home Study Process at the same time you are. The groups are like the educational part of the Home Study. They will include such topics as talking to your child about adoption, openness in adoption, meeting Birthparents, grief and loss surround infertility and how to put together a picture profile/resume to be shown to Birthparents. Sometimes Birthparents, adoptive parents and adult adoptees come and speak to the group about their adoption experiences so that you can get information from everyone's viewpoint.

This is all the basic information that you can expect to be included in your Home Study process. You may find that the agency you use has a few additional things that they will have you do. You should feel comfortable asking your agency questions along the way and discussing what you need to have completed when they do the Home Visit, such as child proofing, fire extinguishers, etc. You need to remember that they are here to help you become a family, not to judge you or stamp you with a pass or fail grade. Work with your agency and be open and honest during the process. By doing these things, it will help your Home Study process to go smoothly and it will be easier on you in the end.

About the Author:

For more information about Adoption please visit our Adoption Help site or on our home page http://www.familyhopes.com/

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information, domestic adoption

As people, we all fear abandonment. We look upon the abandonment of a child with a very deep sense of sadness.

We realize that no child should be left to grow alone. We see the infancy of a child as a crucial stage to his/her development as a human being.

Child adoption is sometimes seen as a solution to the ever-increasing number of abandoned children every year.

Child adoption bridges the gap between children who have no parents and adults who have no children.

Child adoption attempts to create a balance to at least regain some stability between parents and children.

First of all, who can adopt?

Child adoption laws vary from place to place. Thus, the characteristics of potential parents also vary. Generally, couples 30-50 years old are acceptable as potential parents.

However, some child adoption agencies consider different types of people as long as they have shown themselves capable of rearing a child.

Whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, married, single, divorced or separated, there are a number of child adoption options available for you.

Even if you wish to adopt a child from another country, a number of child adoption services are there to help you face the complications that may come.

How do you adopt?

Well, you will need to enlist the services of a child adoption attorney. He/she can guide you through the different aspects of the law regarding child adoption.

With the help of a child adoption attorney, you may be able to reach the right people and make the right moves towards child adoption.

Government child adoption services can also offer you the chance of having a child of your own. Different child adoption services can help you speed-up the process of child adoption.

You will have to face a waiting period in order for the agency to prepare for your adoption. As with everything else in the world, child adoption takes time.

Of course there is also the paperwork. In order to properly follow the course of legal child adoption, you will have to fill out a huge amount of paperwork. A child adoption attorney can help you handle the documentation.

Of course, we are talking about the welfare of the child here, and not just the want of the parents.

In child adoption, you need to prove yourself as a capable parent. This is done through a series of "home studies" wherein you are observed whether you can provide a good home for child adoption.

These "home studies" are often done through a series of interviews and observations to give the child adoption service an idea of what you would be like as a parent.

These home studies are also for your benefit, as they will give you more in-depth look at the requirements for child adoption.

Usually, child adoption services prefer potential parents who have completed studies about family-building and child-rearing. The main objective of these child adoption agencies is to care for the parentless child. They need to see that the child can be fully taken-cared of and, with your care, can grow up in the right way.

Although there are no people who hold the absolute truth as to the right ways to raise a child, there are still some norms that people tend to look upon before approving child adoption.

About the Author:

Jeanette Pollock is a freelance author and website owner of JustAdoptionTips.com. Visit Jeanette's website to get more child adoption tips!

Tags: Adoption General Information, domestic adoption, Orphans and Orphanages

Baby Adoption Fees
By Jimmy Sturo

The monetary considerations involved in adopting a baby must be carefully taken into account in the preliminary stages. Statutory laws for adoption vary from place to place. For the same reason, adoption costs are not uniform, differing on the basis of both the law and the private policies of the adoption agencies.

Agencies that act as intermediaries in adoptions can be either public or private. The cheapest procedure would be one conducted by a public agency, such as State Social Services. There are some private organizations that are non-profit. Adopting a child from the U.S. Foster Care System costs less than going through an independent adoption agency. In fact, when you adopt a child in foster care, not only is the cost minimum, but state help and sponsorship is also made available for you. Under these statutes, the state helps the parents financially while they are bringing up the child. You can also be offered Social Security Insurance, in case the child is afflicted with a severe medical condition.

Certain other factors can also increase or decrease the cost. For instance, an adoption agency might pay all expenses for one mother, while refusing the financial help to the other who might have decided to go for adoption as late as the ninth month of her pregnancy. The fee for international kids also varies from country to country. The average approximate cost is around $30,000. This would include legal fees, traveling expenses and may or may not include visa costs.

The adoption fee should normally include the costs of doing home study, identifying the child for your family, any pre-adoption counseling and post-placement visits. Ideally, a family can apply for reimbursement of expenses involved in the adoption, once the adoption has been finalized, though in general, the maximum reimbursement is $2000 per adoption.

For better-cost affectivity, one can compare the adoption fees of different agencies and attorneys. The prospective parents should also be clear as to what the entire fee does and does not include. The fee also differs according to how difficult it might be to place the baby or to get the kind of baby one specifies. It is better to avoid using lawyers for adoption, as this can result in a legal loss of adoption assistance benefits for the child.

Baby Adoption provides detailed information on Baby Adoption, Available Baby Adoptions, Baby Adoption Showers, Baby Adoption Shower Invitations and more. Baby Adoption is affiliated with International Adoption Services.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jimmy_Sturo
http://EzineArticles.com/?Baby-Adoption-Fees&id=409906

Tags: adoption assistance, adoption costs, adoption financing, Adoption General Information, adoption loans, adoption tax credit, cost of adoption, cost of international adoption