Today most Scientists & Adoption Agents are of the opinion that parents should inform their adopted children as soon as possible about their status. The issue should thereafter be discussed more often at various points in time to give the child/children a chance to grasp their special status and the opportunity to ask questions. Only an early introduction to the subject will give parents and children a chance to develop an open and trusting relationship between each other.

There are two sides to the process of informing a child about it's adoptive status: First of all the information has to be passed on to the child and secondly the child has to understand the information it has been given.

It is more than likely that a 4 year old child can be made to refer to itself as "adopted" and further tell that it has grown in another woman's womb before being adopted by it's present parents. This however does not go to say that the child has understood what an adoption really means. More so it has to be assumed that due to the child's use of very specific vocabulary related to the issue of adoption the parents are lured into the false belief that their child fully understands the concept of adoption. By doing so, the cognitive capability of a small child is highly overestimated. It takes approximately 10 years for an adopted child to fully grasp the information about its adoption which they have been given at the age of 3 or 4. This knowledge was the result of the scientific research by BRODZINSKY and his colleagues during the "Rutgers Adoption Project" (1986). The scientists examined 100 adopted children in comparison to 100 non-adopted children. There were 20 children in each age group: 4-5 years old, 6-7 years old, 8-9 years old, 10-11 years old and 12-13 years old. All adoptive children were adopted within the first 2 ? years of their life. Their understanding of the adoption was evaluated on the basis of a 6 grade chart.

Although the 4-5 year old children had all been informed about their adoption most of them did not have any understanding of the meaning of an adoption (grade 0). At an average age of 5 years and 6 months most examined children either assumed that all children in general were born to their biological parents or that adoption and giving birth are the same (grade 1). At the age of 7 years and 2 months children could distinguish between adoption and birth. They viewed it as 2 different means of becoming a part of a family. The relationship between the adoptive parents and the child was described by the children to be a permanent one. However they could not articulate a reason for the permanence of this relationship other than voicing the assumption that "The child is now owned by its adoptive parents" (grade 2).

At an average age of 8 years and 8 months the children were not so confident about the stability of the Parent-Child Relationship anymore. They believed that their biological parents would either claim them back one day or that their adoptive parents could also decide to give them away at some point in time (grade 3). At 10 years and 4 months of age the children were confident in the lastingness of the relationship between adoptive parents and child again. With regards to this newly found confidence they even referred to professionals in a position of authority such as Judges, Lawyers & Medical Doctors (grade 4). It was not until the average age of 12 years and 5 months that the adopted children understood that an adoption on a legal basis of specific laws incorporated the transfer of parental rights and duties from the biological parents to the adoptive parents (Grade 5).

The adopted children were aware of an Adoption Agency being involved in their adoption at an average age of 8 years and 1 month but did not know the actual task of the Agency. Approximately 10 months later they understood that this organisation plays a vital role in the process. In most cases the first assumption was that the Agency's purpose was to cater to the wishes of the future adoptive parents. Once at an average age of 11 years and 11 months the adoptive children understood that the Agency first and foremost acts on behalf and in the interest of the well being of the children put up for adoption, therefore screening the potential adoptive parents.

Brodzinsky and his colleagues research clearly shows that the understanding of an adoptive child with reference to its adoption develops in predictable phases. In the beginning the knowledge is still very general and slightly diffuse but becomes more sophisticated with time. This knowledge is also associated with a growing awareness of the connection with social organisations and the relating laws.

The research indicates how difficult it must be for a child under the age of 13 or 14 to process the fact of having a dual set of parents. Younger children don't grasp this concept at all, slightly older children find it hard to fit the characteristics of adoptive parents into their idea of a family concept. Eight and nine year olds know that parents and children are blood related. Adoptive children of this particular age group therefore question which family they are really part of - their biological parents or their adoptive parents. Bearing in mind that children of this age group (8-9 year olds) have not yet understood the concept of adoption including all its implications it is not surprising that they feel insecure of their position within the adoptive family and voice a lot of questions regarding their heritage. During a further examination of 156 adopted children aged 6-11 years old Brodzinsky and his colleagues (1986) found out that a child's comprehension of its adoption is neither influenced by structure of the adoptive family (only child, biological siblings, adopted siblings), their social status, the previous history of the child nor its age or condition of health at the time of adoption. This means that the comprehension develops through an intra psychological process by combining the newly received information with other relevant knowledge of family structure, social institutions, human motives, separation, loss, - etc. This Process is therefore imbedded in the overall cognitive development of the child.

The results of this research clearly show that parents and adoption agents generally expect the adoptive children to understand the process of an adoption too early. In return they are surprised when primary school children ask a lot of questions regarding their biological parents and their heritage, the reasons for being put up for adoption as well as being insecure in terms of their adoptive parents love and sometimes show signs of sadness and depression. Parents and experts do not understand these behavioural patterns and often wrongly judge it as negative although it is quite normal, age appropriate and probably inevitable. It is a sign that the children are trying to achieve a better understanding of the adoption. In order to do so they have to process the loss of their biological parents and the resulting emotions (sadness) at this age. This is being complicated by the lack of knowledge about their biological parents.

Consequently it is vital that adoptive parents make themselves aware of the fact that adopted children will comprehend the adoption with all its implications not until they have entered their second decade of life. They (adoptive parents ) can help the child to achieve a positive and extensive comprehension of the adoption by openly and honestly discussing the issue instead of avoiding it. It is equally important that they are also aware of the difference between adoptive families and biological families further understanding the special status of their own family. Primarily they should not overstrain the child and confront it with unrealistic expectations but should give the child the time it needs for the long lasting cognitive development process which will conclude in a full comprehension of the adoption.

About the Author

Jeff Conrad himself was a adopted child.
He wants to give you the best and most comprehensive information about adopting children from all over the world.
www.international-adoption-site.info

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information

So you've met the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You get married, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Right? Well perhaps happily every after? is subjective and means something different to different people. But whatever happens after you ride off into the sunset and disappear into the horizon, your married life will eventually have to make room for the little pitter patter of tiny feet. Right?

Well there are quite a few married couples who realize that for one reason or another, they cannot bear children together. Some married couples try for years to get pregnant, try all the fertility treatments (mainstream and alternative) and still come up empty handed. There are also some married couples who either married too late or waited too long so they reach the stage of past child-bearing age and suddenly, they feel they want a child. Then there are still some couples who have their own children and yet they feel the need to spread their joy and love further to other children still.

How ever different these three scenarios are, there may come a point in their lives when they will come across the life altering question they need to ask themselves, Am I ready to adopt a child??

The scarlet letter
Child adoption is a big step in a married couple?s lives and may be one of the biggest decisions they will have to make together that have a long lasting impact in their lives. Having children is a big responsibility in itself and child adoption brings with it its own set of sensitivities.

For all the right reasons
If you a childless married couple who have come to the end of their ropes in the hopes of conceiving, please take into consideration that child adoption isn?t necessarily the answer to your problem. Continued unsuccessful attempts at trying conceive can greatly strain a married couple?s relationship and it can test even the strongest of the strong.

At the point where you seem desperately grasping at straws, you might think of adopting a child to keep the marriage together. But think it through thoroughly because you are bringing in a new life into yours and it wouldn?t be fair to adopt under these circumstances. Remember, adopting a child doesn?t mean that all your problems will be solved. Adding a new member to your already chaotic relationship may even result in more harm than good.

Child adoption is a big responsibility that has a huge potential to further add love and fulfillment in a married couple?s life provided that they do so after they have considered all they need to consider and make the necessary adjustments for it.

Will it work for you?

So you?ve come to a decision that you want to adopt a child. You may be emotionally and mentally ready individually and as a couple enough to embark on this path but are you ready in other aspects?

First do some research and find out the requirements for child adoption. Also, find out statistics like how quickly can you expect to be able to find a child do adopt and bring home. Finding these details out will help both of you manage expectations.

Whatever you?ve been through to get to the point of wanting to adopt, remember to not focus so much on the fact that you cannot conceive your own children, instead, think of the parent-less child you will be bringing into your loving home soon.

About the Author:

Robert Thatcher is a freelance publisher based in Cupertino, California. He publishes articles and reports in various ezines and provides air purifier resources on www.your-adoption-resources.info.

Tags: Adoption General Information

If a couple has been trying for sometime to conceive and have done everything they could to do so, then maybe they could consider adoption.

There are so many babies and children in the world looking for a mother and father. Couples can choose to adopt a child in their home country or one from abroad. There have been those couples who have adopted children from several different countries. The highest profile adoptions recently have been Angelina Jolie and Meg Ryan. Angelina adopted a little boy, Maddox, from Cambodia and a little girl, Zahara, from Ethopia. Meg Ryan adopted a little girl from China.

Adoption is not an easy process. There are many requirements that the adoptive couple will have to meet before they are allowed to move forward with the adoption. Here is a list showing some of the criteria:

* * Marital Status
* * Length of Marriage
* * Age of Adoptive Parents
* * Health and Disabilities Issues of Adoptive Parents
* * Use of Drugs, Alcohol and Tobacco
* * Fertility Status
* * Other Children in the Family
* * Financial Status
* * Employment Stability

The cost of adoption depends on how they choose to proceed. If they use the US foster care system, there is little or almost no cost to the adoptive parents. In some states, subsidies are offered. Stepparent or kinship adoptions usually cost up to $2,500.

Using an agency, private or international adoption can cost up to $30,000.

Benefits: You control the search process and the degree of openness with the birthparents, have direct contact with the birthparents, and aren?t restricted by agency requirements.

Risks: Costs are less predictable, as extensive advertising and medical expenses can drive up costs. Length of time to find a birthmother is unpredictable. As with an agency adoption, a birthparent can change her mind.

Here are some good resources with information about adoption: http://Adoption.com, National Adoption Center, National Council for Adoption, American Adoption Congress.

Regardless how the couple decides to adopt, the important fact is that they and their new child will be on their way to a nurturing and loving relationship.

About the Author:

Our History: With over 25 years of experience in the baby related industry http://HappyMothers.com has the most experienced and knowledgeable sales staff, and customer service representatives. SEO by http://TrafficXTC.com

Tags: adoption agency, adoption costs

What will we face when adoptees ask their birth parents, "Why did you put me in a gay home instead of with a heterosexual family? Was it because the gay couple paid a higher fee to an attorney or the birth mother?" Many professionals and birth parents are concerned with what the long term effects will be when an adopted child is purposely placed with and raised by a same sex couple. For adoptees, dealing with the normal stresses of life, along with always explaining the relationship with their parents and their adoptions, are challenge enough. How much more confused will their lives become with the added stress of the abnormal parent issue?

Two adoptees, now pre-teens, recently shared about their struggle in life and how they confidentially wished their birth parents, as they put it, "had loved them enough to place them in a normal home." Nick, age 12, shared, "I just don't get where she was when she thought this was going to be the best thing for a me. It isn't the best and I hate her for what she did. Why didn't she want me to have a normal life? I don't even have friends over and they don't invite me to their house. It just sucks. I am a freak, being raised by even freakier parents."

Jodi, age 14, shared a similar reaction. "Like the kids in school expect me to be gay too. I'm not and I think my birth mother must have really not cared where I went. I look at my friends at school and they have like completely normal lives, a mom and a dad. I have two dads. One of my friend's parents found out about my parents and won't let me hang around with their daughter, because I might influence her. I hate my life and can't wait to get out on my own. I don't fit in. My biological mother didn't care and my adoptive parents don't care either. I don't know where I fit in." Jenny is a 26 year old birth mother who chose a Lesbian couple to adopt her twin girls who are now 10 years old. She says, "I thought at the time it was cool. You know, they didn't have a chance anywhere else, and I was the one to help them make a family. They (the Lesbian couple) showered me with stuff and I thought at the time, "Hey why not?"

That was 10 years ago.

She now tells us, "One of the twins speaks to me and the other doesn't want to have any contact at all. I feel very bad and regret my decision. I was young and stupid; the attorney I used pushed this couple on me. I could ring her neck now for taking advantage of me and telling me that the only people that could help me were a gay couple. I didn't think of what the kids would think later. I don't know how that attorney sleeps at night. I wish I had made another decision, but I didn't. I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I did."

Most articles and reports focus on the rights of gay couples to adopt. No one talks about the rights of the children to be raised in an accepted family with a mom and a dad. They treat the children as a possession. Many prospective gay or lesbian parents turn to public foster care programs to create a family, as social workers are trying to get the children out of foster care and into any kind of home. The best interest of the children, again, is the last thing considered.

One social worker shared confidentially that she didn't have a choice. "I have a huge case load. They come in and push and push and we need to get the numbers up for the month, and we just roll over. I have never shared with my family what I do, but I carry a burden about the future. My job is very stressful; you don't know how hard it is to find parents for special needs children. If all I have to choose from are same sex couples, well then, they get to adopt the kids. What can I say?"

The system is set up much different than it was years ago. More state and private agencies are allowing gay adoptions in domestic and international adoptions. The agencies that are not supposed to accept gays turn their heads when asking a "single" parent about their family and personal life.

Some social workers flatly tell gay couples what to say on their applications and home study to get it approved. But what about the children? Until more straight adoptive parents step up and adopt waiting children, we will see an increase in children's anger regarding getting second best when it came to parents.

Nick and Jodi rightfully wonder how birth parents, social workers and attorneys will deal with the kids' anger for their actions today? Time will tell. And until then more children are placed in homes where the daily struggles and challenges of normal life suddenly have to take on the abnormal as well.

About the Author

Author Helen McDaniel is married and the adoptive mother of 3 children. She works with children in foster care and with family issues.

Tags: adoption agency, Adoption General Information